One of my patients passed away yesterday and there have been 4 deaths in my ward so far this month. And I am bit worried about the way I am dealing with it.
How long can I hold my emotions inside? I guess this is an end to it. I can’t handle it anymore.
I guess this would be the first time I am talking about one of my patients. She was a wonderful lady full of enthusiasm and energy. Every day she would try to trick someone passing by to give her water. She was on hydration restriction ...not supposed to consume more than 450 ml of water per day. She had edema and has suffered a lot from her two back operations. Apart from all that she always had a big smile in her face for everyone. Everyday I learn something new from her.
I walked into her room today and somehowi could feel her presence. Her voice was echoing in my mind…her bed, her wheel chair, her walker everything talked in its own language to me.
I know that death is the natural end of things and we cannot turn the tide indefinitely but I also know that I am only a human being and no matter how hard my professor’s pound on me for acting professional I always fail in this situation.
I wasn’t there when she passed away, but when I left her last week she held my hands and told me “thanks you for everything” and I hugged her and said “soon everything will be ok”
I guess everything is ok now; she doesn’t have to suffer anymore.
I will miss you AF
15 comments:
:) The last line is true. I know it is sad that someone we know passes away. But then, why does that make us sad? Because we are not going to have them anymore in our company and we cannot do the things that we used to do with them. Think about it and you will realise that this is the case. But think of the situation from the patient's angle. True...it is posible that the patient might get cured and get back to normal life. But in how many cases can the patients have 100% cure? Most of the times they would just have to suffer with it for the rest of their lives. All Iam saying is that from the patient's perspective (dont think of the patient's relatives, children, etc etc), death is not bad...it is the permanent end/solution to their suffering. And yes, your professors are right when they say that you should not get moved by these things or you should not get attached very much to your patients. If you get emotional, because of such deaths, then you will not have your full concentration on your other patients, who are living right now and are suffering. while the dead are gone and there's nothing that can be done for them, you can do something for those who are still alive and suffering. Give them your 100%! Its not easy to do, but over time it can be done with practice. Take care and "get well soon"! :)
machi.. its very hard!
raj mathiri ellam ennala 1 hr dialog pesa mudiyathu!
but we will ve to take it and move on! >>>:D<<<
Yup its your profession and u ll face more things like that in coming years.... Ur professors are molded , so as you have to be molded too......
ps: Nowadays romba emotion postla theriyuthu mam :)
Good you have the blog and people to take it out or pour it out as I often say.
One thing which I have come to a conclusion is that Death is nothing but transporting people from dimension to other.Just a transfer of place,where just pure happiness pervades.Easier said than done.But thats the only way,I could carry on with my life
God Bless
TC
CU
That was a very nice write up. I don't think ones emotion could have been well expressed than this post. When we face a question 'Why are you happy' I feel it can be answered quite easily where as 'Why are you sad' is some thing that i cannot answer as quickly as the earlier one.
A totally matured post! :) Applause!
Those tears are for the unsaid words and undone things which can not be consoled! Cheers! *Hugs*
Movies do depict reality at times... I have never come across such incidents but Vasoolraja showed me... Now, i find another one... Life is full of happiness and sorrow... Poor lady... But, all that happens is for good only... Btw, be happy to be a doc...
hi!
came to ur blog from hari's and was just looking around. :) your posts are interesting! this one was especially touching.... and sad! :(
btw, you a doc????
Sorry abt this kav...Itz tough! B Strong!
@raj-hey pa..thanks a lot for those kind words..it sure did help a lot..:)
@raz-haha raj aa asinga padathama irrukka matta pola irrukku...;)...
sure da..will try to do wat u say
@rajkingme-yea i guess i am not molded enough like them :(
@CU-i know..i felt a lot better when i wrote it down here..hmmm thanks for those assuring words :)
@PK-*hugssssssssssss*
"A totally matured post!"...adi paavi...appa nan ithu veraikkum immature posts pottain n solriya?..lol
thanks da :)
@vijay-movies do sometimes show reality...but reality can not be seen but only can be felt..
yess..will be a happy doc:D
@priyaiyer-hey priya..welcome :)
reality is always hard to digest and sad :(
nothing can be done...just have to learn to live with it :)
yess..in about 5 months i can officially say i am Doc..:)
Hmm....Salute one of the most toughest profession of the world!
hmm.. i never understood how doctors could be emotionally detached, though it is probably an important element in their job..
i know how u feel buddy.. may she be at peace in death..
only 4 ? how come. by your prescence you should be scaring all those poor people who are admitted there. pavam .
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